When I heard that Mike Diamond, the founder of the notorious Snitch bar, was opening a brand-spanking-new rock ’n’ roll club called Retox, I was extremely excited. Since CBGB closed and Diamond sold Snitch - only after The Man hit him with fines for some rockin’ offenses such as smoking, underage drinking and fire hazards - New York’s upscale rockers have felt a serious void in our lives.

There’s nothing quite like kicking back, smoking a ciggy and rockin’ out to some old-school AC/DC while sipping on your own never-ending stash of Absolut. So the first weekend of Retox was a must-see for me. After meeting up with a group of about 30 people, I headed to the door, when, unsurprisingly, the bouncer refused to let all of my entourage in. But this rocker chick got to roll in with 15 of her closest, craziest rock star friends and grab a table anyway.

The first thing I noticed was the music. I expected to hear System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, Nirvana, The Killers, Guns N’ Roses or even The Rolling Stones. Much to my disappointment, Retox was instead blasting Black Eyed Peas’ “My Humps.” My huh? The décor provided a secondary, but certainly not final, disappointment. The only thing that was rock ’n’ roll about this place - a small space with unfinished ply-wood walls - was the collage of rock legends on the wall. And by rock ’n’ roll, I mean poseur.

After about an hour of the hottest rap and Top 40 music the rock haven could offer, the crowd got dancing, and I starting slowly trying to convince myself that Retox wasn’t all bad. I spoke too soon. I looked towards the bar and two dancers wearing bras, thongs, fishnets and heals got up on the bar and starting collecting money from gross guys wanting a little grope for their spare change. What was advertised as rock ’n’ roll bar turned out to be just a strip club with a rock theme. To top it all off, a bouncer walked around all night with a maglite, shining it in everyone’s face to emphasize his authority—or compensate for, well, you know… At that point I left and went to Billymark’s West, a better rock and roll club than Retox could ever be.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 12th, 2006 at 4:11 pm and is filed under Nightlife, New York City, Nightclubs, West Side. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.