Bye Bye Booty
August 22nd, 2006 by TraceeSo, a few days ago, I went to get cash out of a Bodega’s ATM machine. Little did I know, some skinny blonde bandit was eating a tiny salad on a bench, and the whole while, plotting against me. I had my earbuds on (Shure E4C’s, fantastic, you gotta try ‘em) with my 60GB iPod, and I went to take 60 dollars out of my account to buy, surprisingly enough, another electronic toy.
A phone, people! Get your head out of the gutter.
I put the cash into the right pocket of my khaki capri’s and went to throw something away in a trash can next to the this chick on a bench. (From now we will refer to her as the bitch on the bench) I think I was listening to Buttons, the kind I wish my pocket had that day, so I wasn’t paying attention to anything around me - as I should have been. I mean, why would I suspect a girl like that had pick-pocketing skills? She doesn’t even look like she would have walking and chewing gum skills.
Within the time it took my to get the cash, slide it into my pocket, take two steps east to throw something away, take out my headphones and reach back in to get a 20 to buy a Vitamin Water, the money was gone. And guess what? So was the bitch.
Bye Bye cash.
I cannot tell you how I was feeling at that moment. One, annoyed, that my money got stolen because I was listening to Pussycat Dolls. Two, sad, that my E4c’s wonderful rich-and-sound-isolating sound had something to do with my downfall. Three, pissed, because I know that If I had been fortunate enough to have caught her somewhere on Spring Street, I could have taken her down…easily. And four, stupefied, because all the stereotypes I had built up in my head of someone capable of committing this moral tragedy in New York, and she had crushed that in one minute flat.
Moral of the story kids, no bodega ATMs unless you are alert, quick, and have crappy headphones. Two, never trust a blond who eats salad.
August 22nd, 2006 at 10:03 am
how many times do i have to tell you - you can only trust brunettes*
August 22nd, 2006 at 2:46 pm
so sad, too bad, you were had.
August 22nd, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Hey, at least you weren’t planning on spending that money on a vibrator lol
August 22nd, 2006 at 6:42 pm
so sorry….. I, as a BLONDE will give up salads in your honor… Or was that gum????? I can’t remember…..O YAH..I must be BLONDE